he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You pole danced in your parka.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
