Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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