at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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