Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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