so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
