who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
