just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
