That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize