cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
