just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
