I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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