It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize