I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
