I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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