i wish there were pregnant emoticons
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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