a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
