I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
