I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
