Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize