Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
