idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
