just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize