my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
