dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
