wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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