My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize