No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize