Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
