Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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