I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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