everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
