so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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