we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
