you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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