dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
