wat bout pragnant strippers??
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
