I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
