He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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