mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
