She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
