im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
