So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
