guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
