Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
