woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
