I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
