when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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