He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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