Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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