I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize