i think i have two assholes
i just sent this text using only my big toe
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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