i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
