even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
