Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well you can't waste a boner
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
