So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
