Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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