The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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