i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
