i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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