No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
