bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
