I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize