i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
