Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize