There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
