i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
