I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
