So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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