is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
