I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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