so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
