I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
