Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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