I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
