Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish you could order shots online.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
