physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
