My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
