I accidentally burped into my bong.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
