I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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