You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize