he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
