Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
