well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
