I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
