You can't special order awesome
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
