if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My penis needs a shock collar
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
