dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The Olympian is in my bed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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