from now on my penis is your penis
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
