they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
