...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
