I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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