My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
