We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
