took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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