If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
