WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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