My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
