You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
