theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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