end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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