Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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