i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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