are you still at the devil's house?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize