i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
