I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
