Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
