I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
